[?] Substanceless entry from the Weekend (2)

Man. I didn’t realize I was such an addictive personality. That’s wrong.

Not as wrong, however, as the video in the Alpha Omega Publications booth. (no relationship to James White, even though they publish from Arizona and are allegedly Christian publishers; I haven’t carded their doctrines of justification or their enslavement to modernity yet, so as an upstanding Baptist I reserve the right to revise my remarks)

They are pushing this new video set by Thomas Wretched Kinkade for art instruction. You have to understand something: I grew up watching that German guy on PBS rendering oil paintings until Bob Ross took over, at which point the 70’s neo-taoist serenity drove me to atheism and alcohol. (oh wait: that was Catholicism; Bob Ross was really funny to watch drunk, and even better to watch hung-over – and for the kids at home, that’s sinful so avoid Bob Ross) So I have seen hours of “technique” lectures by the most dreary, artless droners-on in the history of the planet. I have a point of reference.

I’ll hand it to Kinkade: he has good presentation skills. Conversational delivery; good modulation; he mixes up the tempo. The problem is the topic. Roosters and dragons? How many Kinkade paintings have roosters and dragons in them? It’s like the worst false appeal to authority ever. He might as well be lecturing on comic book art – which is something I’d enjoy as a premise, but what’s he know about it? Can anyone imagine the FF or Captain America rendered by Kinkade? Please: don’t make me sick.

Part of my problem may be that at my “day job”, Kinkade is a premium product line that requires a lot of attention, and frankly I don’t get it. Kinkade? ANOTHER house? Another HOUSE? ANOTHER HOUSE? Hey: you can only say it 3 different ways without switching languages . C’mon: it’s the kind of art that sells at those “starving artists” sales at the Holiday Inn. The Dogs playing Poker on Velvet makes a LOT more sense to me than Kinkade. Kinkade … geez, there’s just nothing there.

It’s like listening to Howard Dean lecture on subtle rhetoric. Who can believe it?

I was going to riff on Homeschool kids, too, but somebody might read this blog and put 2-and-2 together and that’d be the end of my poor little bookstore. “Kingdom Bound? That’s the bookstore run by the guy who called my kid a monkey on his blog. I’m not going to shop there.” And no, your kid is not a monkey. You don’t even believe in evolution, so what exactly are you getting so upset about?