Wanted: Actual Writers

I threatened Doug Wilson about this about two weeks ago, and now I'm making good on the threat. I'm declaring (insofar as I am able and anyone will actually hear this tree fall in the woods) Jan 2009 Global post-scriptural parable month. It's a mouthful, but here's what I'm thinking: Doug has been abusing the genre "parable" for about 6 months now by writing fables and moralizing stories (no offense dude), and I think that there are at least 100 Christian bloggers who can write more parable-like parables than what Doug has been foisting on his readers.

For your reference, here is Wikipedia's somewhat-faulty summary of the genre. Rather than debate the faults of the thing, use that as your point of reference, and then you go ahead and write a parable a week to post each Monday in Jan 2009.

I'll post mine each Monday, and you can link to your parables in my comments section; on Tuesday each week, I'll pick the ones which I liked best to feature on my front-page.

Here's a warmup:

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There was this guy I worked with who was telling me he thought Christians should shut up about the right-to-die issue because it's evil and self-centered to go to the extreme lengths of keeping someone alive on a machine. So I told him that my wife and I used to live in Wisconsin, in a town called Manitowoc. Manitowoc has a great full-service marina (allegedly the only one on Lake Michigan), and is a great place to live in the summer. The lake does a really swell job of keeping the temperature in Manitowoc enjoyable about 6 months out of the year -- 60's in the daytime, and 40's at night.

The problem with Manitowoc is that in the winter, it is far enough north (like Green Bay) that many nights dip way below zero -- like -20°F and -30°F . That's cold. In fact, it is so cold that if you don't have a heater, you're probably going to freeze to death.

I can remember one week in particular when we lived there that the temperature did not get above 5°F. That’s cold – so cold that salt won’t work on the streets and sidewalks, so everything is just frozen over. That's so cold, in fact, that you can hardly even make a snowman because the snow has little or no cohesion -- the flakes don't have any dampness to stick together, so they stay a fine powder. Even the air has zero humidity -- which you can feel in your nostrils.

I was sure glad, during that week, that I could get up and turn the heater on for myself – because if I couldn’t, I’d be dead right now. He laughed and said sacrastically that this might be a good thing; but I pointed out my kids would be dead, too, as would my wife. I think it’s amazing that I wouldn’t be here right now except for the fact that a machine kept me and my family alive during those cold weeks in Manitowoc.

Of course, even though I couldn’t have possibly kept myself warm those weeks when the temperature was too cold, at least I could feed myself. Thank God I didn’t need a machine to keep me warm and to feed me. Who would have bothered to turn my machine on if I needed to be kept warm and also to be fed?

Straight Up

You should read this while you're waiting for the balance of the Zens critique.

Bring a lunch.

Getting spanked

It's funny that, in our culture, we can say "not that there's anything wrong with that" to divorce, homosexuality, abortion, strident political activism, iMonk, etc., but when we come to spanking kids, somebody always wants to make it illegal.

Our friends over at SFPulpit have published this piece on a recent book which looks at one argument against spanking and finds it lacking. It's worth a read.

TIWIHW

"TIWIHW" = "Things I Wish I Had Written".

The first entry in this category is this post by Mark Horne. He's not even Baptist anymore, and he gets it.

I can only add this: what's the purpose of the Southern Baptist Convention? Is it conformity to some allegedly-theological fundamentals which don't really produce anything but people with identical wardrobes, homiletically and clothing-wise? Or is it to open the inerrant Bible for the purpose of curing and redeeming all cultures that do not have Jesus as Lord and Christ?

The Gospel is the solution to SBC culture. Someday, those with an inerrant Bible will open it and find that out because they will have read the Bible rather than wave it around -- as if it was an AK-47 or a picture of Che or something.